. . . . .
Monday 9 February 2015 @ 21:32
I stopped typing the forever hateful Management Paper. Suddenly, the whole world felt in place; the weather was right, people are annoying as Hell for sure, but it was this wonderful serenity just swiped through and said, "He exists."
And he exists in a way he thought to be boring and monotonous but none that he knew how desperately I need him day after another. How funnily clueless he could be most of the times and it tears me because I might accidentally left a wrong note to myself on how perfect he is.
In which he is.
Work that day was as usual plain and sometimes hellish. I looked at my phone screen wishing to see his texts but nope, that day he was a bit caught up at work. And my heart raced with the thought of how much I miss this man it's almost time for me to grab onto the Drama Queen title. It was only two weeks since the last I saw him and it's killing on the inside, to my surprise. Because none have done this to me before.
Sometimes I like to remind myself on not to be the slave of love. To just love a little so that the hurt won't hurt as much.
I was wrong. Love was wronged. I looked at it the wrong way.
So be it the degree of feelings, hurt shall happen and why am I so obsessed about not getting hurt? Finding the right shoes might not let you slip and fall but they could still cut you if you wear them too often. Especially those fancy ones with heels. Damn those heels. Making me wear band-aids because they're new and my feet are still adjusting to the length and width.
See. What I need is not to love less because that might not be achieved. What I truly need is patience. Be patient and pray that he will be stationed here, because when I thought I'm stronger than this, I'm not. I need him to be near. :'(
Friday 15 November 2013 @ 01:12
Reading through your old writings, sees a post that says you're gonna laugh rereading this one day and when that day finally comes, you do laugh but you're also crying inside.
Labels: clouds
Monday 22 July 2013 @ 20:13
Who says I'm not doing anything worthwhile this semester holiday? I work. Like, for the first time, I finally work. Oh yeah, I'm 22 but just got a part time job? yeah yeah, I'm a noob for this but enough with the self-bashing, alright? I may not be overly excited on anything in particular at the mo but at least I'm giving myself something worthwhile to do. Also, I have developed a semi-deep interest in comic books. Havta be honest that I'm not entirely into it. The only comics that I can follow at the mo is Batman. And the villains as I recalled, are ringing up the bells of my childhood. That I once overwhelmed with the animated series but yeah, I was pretty ignorant back then. Nothing is consumed from the series but I guess the old self is beginning to appreciate something from the former life (childhood I mean). Ah~ These are rants. Just to let the self know that I'm breathing and have something to be liked, something worthwhile to be done. I miss running etc. Missing my active days. Not an athlete but still eager to act like one. It's for the sake of tomorrow. Physical wise. Better to have a good heart, to stay in shape. Being active expands the social circle too. Knowing lotsa people is building good network, hence, beneficial in many ways. And Breaking Bad is my guilty pleasure. It's literature to me. The dynamic evolution of Jesse Pinkman and Walter White's character are a self-ponder in a way. Plus it made me finally admit that Chemistry is not a blah subject after all. And I'm still not over myself drawing Amydala and Stormtroopers using coloured pencils. But not the fact that I typoed Storm into Star. Not proud of that. Ugh. Embarrassing. Alas! Turning geek ain't so easy.
Here's a photo of burning rocks from great distance. (Y)
Monday 8 July 2013 @ 15:31
There's something about standing
between a perfume and a coffee shop,
the blend of bittersweet smell;
the living tale of love and hate,
tells well when you're standing
between a perfume and a coffee shop.
Labels: bad poetry, numb
@ 15:22
Everything takes patience now. Got my first wage. Still. I ain't buyin anything yet. Coz I havta use it for food. Feels like bringin food from home instead. But always tempted to buy takeouts. But yeah.. hopin that this time I won't have problems with salaries and holidays anymore. Hope that I will get my next pay on time and stuff. Hope that things go well. If so I'd buy it now... I won't have anything much left. So, yeah. Patience. Be patient is not easy. But I need to suck all the patience in and refrain from buyin the things I want.
Food is essential too.
Labels: clouds