. . . . .
Monday, 9 February 2015 @ 21:32
I stopped typing the forever hateful Management Paper. Suddenly, the whole world felt in place; the weather was right, people are annoying as Hell for sure, but it was this wonderful serenity just swiped through and said, "He exists."
And he exists in a way he thought to be boring and monotonous but none that he knew how desperately I need him day after another. How funnily clueless he could be most of the times and it tears me because I might accidentally left a wrong note to myself on how perfect he is.
In which he is.
Work that day was as usual plain and sometimes hellish. I looked at my phone screen wishing to see his texts but nope, that day he was a bit caught up at work. And my heart raced with the thought of how much I miss this man it's almost time for me to grab onto the Drama Queen title. It was only two weeks since the last I saw him and it's killing on the inside, to my surprise. Because none have done this to me before.
Sometimes I like to remind myself on not to be the slave of love. To just love a little so that the hurt won't hurt as much.
I was wrong. Love was wronged. I looked at it the wrong way.
So be it the degree of feelings, hurt shall happen and why am I so obsessed about not getting hurt? Finding the right shoes might not let you slip and fall but they could still cut you if you wear them too often. Especially those fancy ones with heels. Damn those heels. Making me wear band-aids because they're new and my feet are still adjusting to the length and width.
See. What I need is not to love less because that might not be achieved. What I truly need is patience. Be patient and pray that he will be stationed here, because when I thought I'm stronger than this, I'm not. I need him to be near. :'(
Monday, 3 June 2013 @ 21:55
I have never been so alive.
Now. I want to end it.
Friday, 24 May 2013 @ 22:06
I have been looking out for you for more than a century
-Watson
Labels: expression, human, love
Wednesday, 22 May 2013 @ 00:00
I AM TRULY DEEPLY INTENSELY OBSESSED!!
I have grown fond to Sci-Fi, Superhero Action Pack movies or what I used to call "Boy Movies". I thought I'd never like Sci-Fi. My brother used to be so engaged with Star Wars and there I was, beside him, thinking, Meh, another fiction about politics. But now I know how it feels to like Sci-Fi. :DDDD
In the case of superhero movies, they have been instilled in me since I was little but never actually grow much till, well, now. I'm imagining myself being Loki, stuck in my ugly childhood, wishing I could change the future and went off track and killed everybody instead. lol. Look at me, wishing I'm a villain Herp herp
And Benedict in Star Trek, OMG. He was all, my crew, my family, and I was all STAAAHHHPPP IM GONNA CRYYYY (talk about massive
And in that scene when Vader's mask was taken off, I was like, *teary eyed*. This. father-son love. I. Just. Can't. The Force is growing stronger in me, it seems. lolol. <- watch out. Noob coming thru.
Hmm I'm still stuck on having either Star Trek main theme or Ironman 3 End Credits as my ringtone. Ah well~
*using the Force*
OK. Ironman 3 it is.
XD
Labels: expression, love, peace, rant
Saturday, 23 March 2013 @ 22:40
A little girl in a yellow cape was selling matches in the boulevards of Sorrowfull. She ran into a flyer that said: Help Me Find Love? The flyer has a big question mark with no pictures. The little girl picked the flyer and stared long at it. Then she took out a match and lit it. She burnt the paper and felt warm for a few moments. A homeless man and his son came to her carrying more flyers. She took out more matches, burnt the papers and soon, more people came to her with flyers in their hands. The papers are too many that the people and the little girl created a huge bonfire where everybody sit around it in a big circle.
Warmth lingered in the boulevards of Sorrowfull that night. And Love was then found.
Wednesday, 13 March 2013 @ 01:09
How fascinating that now my nights are filled with friendlier monsters and my days filled with fairies. Nowadays, I'm filled with these.
Nowadays.
:)
Labels: expression, human, love, security
Friday, 8 March 2013 @ 09:53
One night I caught myself staring at my phone wallpaper and longing for security in the heart and mind. Two pair of eyes stared back at me and I suddenly felt a rush. I missed them. I missed both of them. And it was too late to call or text them. Since I don't have this routine of calling them every weekend or three times a week, I imagined texting them out of the blue, and them going all weird and worried. So I just stared at the picture of my parents and my head recalled things. A lot of things. Our angry moments, our cold fights, our laughter and good times... Slowly, I remembered that by the end of the day, despite my severe stubbornness, despite my rebellious-self, when we depart at that very petrol station where I would hop onto a bus, they always kiss my cheeks thrice, hug me tightly and say that they love me no matter what.
There was this one time I got so afraid of losing you, and there you were, right in front of me, smiling and said, "Oh! Hi. I was just thinking about you." It was during a hot evening in February 2012 where I was walking home, thinking about you, and you were walking home, thinking about me.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013 @ 01:50
not my everyday song but this fits the current situation.
*sigh
be prepared to be a fool again
at times like these
i only need debussy
Labels: expression, listen, love
@ 21:38
#those times when i wish i'm cara delevigne
Labels: expression, love
“When you see a female dressed in a manner that is unacceptable islamically, do not for a moment think that she is lower than you spiritually. If you do that, you are lower than her. Believe me, that is the teaching of your religion. She might have a link with her creator that you do not know about. She might have a heart that is tons better than yours. She might have one weakness that is outward, and you have 50 weaknesses that are hidden” - Mufti Menk.
Wednesday, 19 December 2012 @ 12:08
Ask the
world to feed you love
and the sun
will enfold you
its warmth
will remind you
of blankets
of the seas
the low tide
waves
soft
caressing your skin
comfort will
it bring
Ask the
world to feed you love
and the moon
will smile at you
its light
will guide your lips
from one tip
to the other tip
ear to ear
soon you'll
hear
crickets
sing
peace will
it bring
Ask the
world to feed you love
and trees
will embrace you
their twigs
will scratch the threads of your clothes
thrust into
your skin; from head to toe
blood shall
flow
still, the
leaves
will shelter
you forever
while you
stand beneath them alone
they'll be
the roof of your home
safety will
it bring
Ask the
world to feed you love
and
mountains will call out to you
their icy
tip breeze will eerily
echo a
powerful melody
of coldness
and agony
but dress
your mind with the garments of a king
and continue
climbing with arms reaching
one step
onto the other
your feet
will know no shiver
your teeth
will know no quiver
and when you
are up there
ask your
eyes to conquer
the every
delights of the earth
success will
it bring
Ask the
world to feed you love
and you will
find a coffee shop
its sensuous
design may tingle your heart
its
fragrance's divine; may toy with you mind
intoxicate
you to welcome yourself in
as lightness
dances all over your skin
and you will
float about
till you
drop on the floor
and you see
there before
your eyes
your ears
your nose
your tongue
a face
of a
familiar stranger
who rhymes
with your future
and when
both gazes meet
war will it
bring
sickness
will it bring
madness will
it bring
but so does
comfort
but so does
peace
but so does
safety
but so does
success
love,
will it bring.
Labels: bad poetry, earth, human, life, love
Saturday, 15 December 2012 @ 22:01
Dear, Allah S.W.T.
I may not remember all du’a
from the earliest Prophets,
may not remember how they sound like,
may not know how to recite them,
and what do they mean.
So, I’m here to make my own.
And that You listen to every word
from every language in the world.
My du’a is,
I believe still as honest
as the ones
from the most pious men.
Dear, Allah S.W.T.
Here is my du’a. The most humble du’a I can make.
But before that I need to tell you
something that I know You’ve known already
even before my birth to this world.
I have fallen for many men.
My heart has been shaken by them.
Sometimes they vanish in a flash.
But there are some who stay.
Vanish or stay,
this has ruined not just the walls of my heart
but also weakened my faith at large.
Dear Allah S.W.T.
I keep myself reminded:
Men are human,
with hearts that toss and turn
with faith that drowns and burns.
They soon will rot or be eaten
by insects of the deepest earth.
They die.
But whatever should I do?
I feel my heart goes vacant,
every time they are gone.
As if there is no You, too.
Blame me for being a fool.
Dear Allah S.W.T.
Please, please I beg You
not to take my precious faith away.
I just need a company, the one that stays
till the last of my breath.
I don’t want many
just one man
but not a man
if that man leaves me astray,
if that man pushes You away.
Dear Allah S.W.T.
I hope You’re still listening.
I hope You’re not yet bored
as I said my du’a is still
as important as the words
of the most pious men in the world.
Dear Allah S.W.T.
To tell you the truth,
I have fallen for someone, I do,
but I’m not ready to compete him with You,
as You should be put first
though he satisfies my thirst,
for human love,
for worldly life.
Dear Allah S.W.T.
If this man is the one who is true,
the man who will remind me of You,
who without further ado,
fearfully will seek for You,
if both him and I forget,
if both him and I neglect,
if both him and I restrain,
if both him and I disdain,
in a way that displeases You,
make my love to him stay
make me feel it is okay
to make bond with him a delay
till You say it’s time
to tie the tightest knot
if by then I own no dime
or develop a second thought
Confirm my heart that he is indeed
a gift to me from you.
But, dear, Allah S.W.T.,
If he’s a mere test
please, put my heart to rest
I don’t need another pest,
don’t need my heart to go west.
Labels: Allah, bad poetry, free verse, love, rant
Tuesday, 4 December 2012 @ 11:59
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mama.
I love you, and thank you very very much.
Labels: death, family, gif, love, nonfiction